Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Aching

How do you tell someone you love that they aren't treating you the way you deserve to be treated. When someone gets so caught up in themself and their life that you're shoved to the back burner, what do you say? When that person has treated you in the same crappy way before how do you not resent it, not get hurt by it? I feel pushed aside, shunned. And I feel like I'm losing him again. How do you tell someone you love that they need to pay more attention to you/treat you better without sounding like a selfish biatch? Ugh! I hate this shit.

Read More

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Life.

I am 28 years old. I am a flight attendant for a small-ish airline that probably won't be around for long. I didn't finish school. I 'live' in a crash pad with 7 other people, most of my worldly possessions are still at the condo I shared with my ex-husband. I was married for five years and I've been divorced for almost 2 months.

I'm not unhappy with my life. It's definitely hard and stressful, but I'm afforded SO many opportunities other people aren't. I can hop on a plane on any of my days off to almost wherever I choose. I meet a lot of different/interesting people and I've been to a lot of places I never would have seen were I not doing this job.

I will say that ten years ago if you had asked me where I would be right now my current life would never have crossed my mind. I would have given some generic, vanilla, possibly very Mormon answer. Still, I am in a relationship with someone whom I really love, I'm taking care of myself financially, physically and emotionally.

It can be hard sometimes, but for the most part at this point in time I feel like I'm doing the right thing. However, I know I'm not going to be doing this job for much longer and it's a little scary to think that I'm going to be doing something completely different next year this time.

Read More

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Maybe

It's amazing how things change so quickly.

The divorce went through and the boy broke up with me.

Work (or the lack thereof) is very frustrating. I've always said when a job isn't fun anymore I'll stop. It's fun when I'm in the air. I'm sitting hot a lot recently. Not fun. I have a crashpad with 6 other airwaitresses which saves me a LOT of money on hotel rooms. Good. I hate constantly being woken up by other people talking/banging around/being inconsiderate. Not fun. I feel displaced, I don't have anyplace to call home. Not fun.

Now I'm just getting into whiny, "Woe is me!" territory. But it's my blog, right? So stop reading if you don't like it.  :)

The boy wants to get back together. Says it was the biggest mistake he ever made. I don't know, it's hard to fathom doing that to someone I truly love. I worry that he wants me because he can't have me, that he'll freak out and leave me again. Mostly that he'll break my heart again. I worry because a lot of people close to us have expressed their relief at our breakup, how they knew it was just 'infatuation', and that kind of pisses me off today. It's my life and I shouldn't have to worry that people I love will judge me or be upset with me because of my personal choices. <Le Sigh>

I wish I were happier right now. This is a ridiculously depressing post. I need to sing.

Read More

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Rose Colored Goggles

I feel a million years old tonight. I have this beautiful, rosy vision of life in my head. I've never been able to quite hold on to it. Every time this life is almost in my grasp, every time I think I have a hold of it, it slips through my fingers. I can't quite grasp it and I don't know why.

I met someone. Someone I've known for quite some time. I love him, I've told him things I never have and never will tell another living soul. I feel it might be slipping and I don't know what to do.

Read More

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Appetite

I have not been hungry lately. Anyone who knows me knows that this is VERY uncommon for me. I love food, I love to eat, I enjoy eating. If I am depressed I eat. If I'm happy, I eat. The past week or so I have been both sad and happy. It's a very odd sensation as most times my emotions are very straightforward. So I'm just going with it and for now I'll be content to not be hungry.

Read More

Monday, January 24, 2011

I'm Running Out of Things to Do On the Internet

Day Two of Hot Reserve Thus Far:

Got up on time (Hooray!)
Ate Breakfast at the Super 8 (And discovered the world's worst cup of coffee in the process)
Got to the crew room 20 min. early, called on and was told I'm sitting hot reserve tomorrow (of course)
Have thus far downloaded two albums off iTunes (and I've only been on the clock for two hours)

Open to suggestions for cheap (in other words free) entertainment on the internet. Anyone?!

Read More

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Hot Reserve

For those of you not in the know about the glamorous life of a flight attendant, take note.

As a new flight attendant to rule of thumb is you start out on reserve. This is a nice way of saying you're on call. You get assigned certain days in which you'll be 'on reserve'. At my company it's for a 12 hour block of time and you get paid for 4 hours of that time. Usually it's 3am to 3pm, however, say you get sent out on a one day trip on Friday. Now, it's just one day, so most likely it'll be at least four legs and you'll be getting back to your base at night. Let's say you get home at 8pm. Crew scheduling (who are in charge of the day to day schedule of said flight attendant) will notify you that since you don't have 12 hours in between this trip and your reserve period the next day they're moving your reserve time to 8am. Totally sucks, because while you're on reserve you have to be able to get to the airport within an hour and a half of a call from scheduling. So basically you're sitting aroundwaiting for a call that may or may not come. Somewhat lame.

Now there is also 'Hot Reserve'. On hot, you are on call 10 hours instead of the usual 12 and you do get paid for five hours instead of four. Here's the catch: the whole time you are at the airport waiting for a phone call. Basically, you're their bitch.

Don't get me wrong, I love my job, love flying, love (most of) our passengers. But today I'm their bitch. From 11am- 9pm.

Read More